Ice-T

I JUST SAW HIM!!

That's all, really. He's short, as expected. No more jerry curls, thank God. He rocked a sleek pony tail. He was shooting a scene in our hallway, so half the office is hovering near the conference room staring. Anyway, he's a cutie.

Overheard in New York Quote of the Day

In honor of Suri Cruise...

Girl #1: Oh my god! I just heard that Katie Holmes had her baby! Katie Holmes had her baby, everyone!
Girl #2: Xenu commands you to shut the fuck up while I'm on the phone with my dealer.
--6th Avenue & West 4th Street

Oh, actors...

It is just mayhem here!! The cast and crew have usurped half of our floor, and there are about 50 extras dressed as lawyers hanging around in one of the conference rooms. Some nice eye candy though. Poor, struggling actor eye candy. But eye candy nonetheless.

Unfortunately, I've been informed that Chris Meloni will not be filming in our office, but downstairs at the Tracks restaurant in Penn Station. I'd gawker.stalker this, but George Clooney might hunt me down for revealing a celebrity location before they even arrive. And anyway, I'll just pass by Tracks on my way home, and hopefully sneak a peek at my celeb paramour.

However, Ice-T will be filming in our office, and should be here shortly. Our secretary is going to jump his bones.

As for me, I'll be going to a launch party tonight for the Columbia School of Social Work Journal, in which my Janey was published! And her being published means free drinks and food for me for two hours at the Amsterdam Cafe! Yay!

Friday I have my first date since the breakup. I'm really excited, because this dude is quite a cutie, and seems really nice. So we'll see. That's all for now. Except Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had their baby, and the world didn't blow up. Should we be worried about the evil overlord Xenu, though?

Overheard in New York Quote of the Day

Because this one was fitting in light of my last post...

Yuppie lady: Excuse me! I've been calling for someone and waiting in aisle 2 for ten minutes, and no one came! This is ridiculous! You people are incompetent! You have things stacked so they fall! Look at my pants!
Black woman: ...So why are you telling me?
Yuppie lady: Because you work here!
Black woman: No, lady...I don't.
--Gristedes, West 64th Street

And I'm adding this one as well, because I SWEAR this was a conversation between Dan and I one day when we met for drinks by his office:

Girl: Wow! Did you see the rack on her?
Guy: Where?
Girl: Over there...
Guy: Man! You're not kidding!
Girl: See what I do for you? Who's the best girlfriend ever?
--Rockefeller Center

Omaha school district to split along racial lines

LINCOLN, Neb. (AP) -- In a move decried by some as state-sponsored segregation, the Legislature voted Thursday to divide the Omaha school system into three districts -- one mostly black, one predominantly white and one largely Hispanic.

Supporters said the plan would give minorities control over their own school board and ensure that their children are not shortchanged in favor of white youngsters.
Republican Gov. Dave Heineman signed the measure into law.

Omaha Sen. Pat Bourne decried the bill, saying, "We will go down in history as one of the first states in 20 years to set race relations back."

"History will not, and should not, judge us kindly," said Sen. Gwen Howard of Omaha.

Attorney General Jon Bruning sent a letter to one of the measure's opponents saying that the bill could be in violation of the Constitution's equal-protection clause and that lawsuits almost certainly will be filed.

But its backers said that at the very least, its passage will force policymakers to negotiate seriously about the future of schools in the Omaha area.

The breakup would not occur until July 2008, leaving time for lawmakers to come up with another idea.

"There is no intent to create segregation," said Omaha Sen. Ernie Chambers, the Legislature's only black senator and a longtime critic of the school system.

He argued that the district is already segregated, because it no longer buses students for integration and instead requires them to attend their neighborhood school.

Chambers said the schools attended largely by minorities lack the resources and quality teachers provided others in the district. He said the black students he represents in north Omaha would receive a better education if they had more control over their district.

Coming from Chambers, the argument was especially persuasive to the rest of the Legislature, which voted three times this week in favor of the bill before it won final passage on the last day of the session.

Omaha Public Schools Superintendent John Mackiel said the law is unconstitutional and will not stand.

"There simply has never been an anti-city school victory anywhere in this nation," Mackiel said. "This law will be no exception."

The 45,000-student Omaha school system is 46 percent white, 31 percent black, 20 percent Hispanic, and 3 percent Asian or American Indian.

Boundaries for the newly created districts would be drawn using current high school attendance areas. That would result in four possible scenarios; in every scenario, two districts would end up with a majority of students who are racial minorities.


You know they're only pulling this shit to keep minorities down. "Geez, these kids aren't doing too well on their standardized tests. Maybe if we segregate the races, we can at least get school funding for the Whiteys." Thank you Bush, and your No Child Left Behind - unless he's Black or Hispanic - Act.

Furthermore, giving minorities control over their school will ensure that they're not shortchanged by white students? This just in: Whitey controls everything. These kids will absolutely be shortchanged, but in the school funding they lose when their standardized test scores plummet, thanks to underpaid teachers and already shitty public school funding. Which school district do you think will get all the competent teachers...? Hmmm...

My rich inner life...

I would totally knock boots with Kumar. No doubt. Especially if he brings his special friend...

Christopher Meloni

Most of you probably know him as a regular on Oz or Law & Order: SVU, and some of you might even know him, like I do, as Gene, the acerbic Vietnam Vet from Wet Hot American Summer, or Freakshow (with all the "hideous boils on his face and neck") from Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. Frankly, I don't give a rats ass about Law and Order, but no one plays a quirky bit part like my boy Chris.



Anyway, NYC's very own Chris Meloni will be filming an upcoming episode of SVU in my office!! That's right, this Wednesday Chris will be just down the hall from my office, in one of the newly constructed conference rooms that overlooks downtown, the Hudson river and Lady Liberty, filming the show. I'm going to stand in the shadows of the coat closet waiting for him to emerge, and then I'm going to be all, "Do you know where the powder packets are??? In the cabinet over the sink, right next to my bottle of dick cream. Wait, ignore that last comment."

Eva said she'd take the picture. The only thing left to do is figure out how not to freak him out.

Overheard in New York Quote of the Day

Hipster chick #1: Did you get to use the bathroom?
Hipster chick #2: No! They said it was for patrons only.
Hipster chick #3: What's a patron?
Hipster chick #2: I dunno. I think it has something to do with being in the army.

--45th & Broadway

This is why I don't feel bad about making fun of hipsters. Too busy popping their collars to figure out the difference between "patron" and what I can only assume is "patriot," which still doesn't make sense.

Awesomeness

I'm at work today and I just popped an Adderol given to me by the lovely Janey. I have a lot of school work to get done and can't do it at home with all the pot and poker. Here goes a few hours of being acutely focused!

Overheard in New York Quote of the Day

Guy: You know whose coochie smells? Don't take this the wrong way: white girls. White girls' coochie always smells nasty. Every white girl I been with, their coochie is stank.
Chick: You know why? It's 'cause white girls live far from the ghetto, and they have a longass train ride to get to the ghetto, and by the time they get to your house in the ghetto, they sweating and waiting and their coochie stinks.
--40th between 7th & 8th

Not true sistah! I live in the ghetto! And I know at least three other white girls who do as well. So there!!

Bed-Stuy

I spent last night in Bed-Stuy with my friend Janey and two of her friends, having dinner and drinks and smoking joints on the fire escape. This is the first time I've been to that leg of Brooklyn, and I found it to be rather charming, despite the reputation that precedes it. She has an adorable little studio above a hair salon on a main street, so there's lost of bustling and action going on outside. Great to watch from our little perch on the fire-escape. (See: terrace) Fire-escapes are quickly becoming one of my favorite things about NYC. I'm really falling in love with this city.

On another positive note, I found myself telling my officemate this morning that I'm glad Dan and I broke up. These past two weeks have been incredibly liberating, despite the heartbreak. It's proved to me that I was right when I thought I wasn't in love with him, and that there are plenty of other men out there who are at least as good for me, if not better. Dan is amazing, and I don't regret a day with him, but I think the breakup was for the better. I really put myself back out there over the past few weeks, throwing myself into school and work and the dating pool again, and it's come back to me 10-fold. I'm excited to start a friendship with him once some time goes by and we've learned to realign our feelings for each other.

But I'm not sad anymore. I'm actually really happy. My life couldn't really be going better right now, unless my case integration paper that's due Thursday was already done. But alas...

Overheard in New York Quote of the Day

Woman on cell: No, I mean, whatever. I cried for that baby when it died and all. Shit! I even went to its funeral and the damn thing wasn't even born! Who the fuck has a funeral for a baby that wasn't even born?...Whatever, that's not the point. The point is, I'm sure as hell not going to a birthday party for a baby whose funeral I went to a year ago. That is fucking morbid...and they had better not be expecting presents.
--14th between 7th & 8th

What NOT to do

I just had my second session with my shrink (or should I say didn't have my second session with my shrink) which he had to cancel because his palm pilot died. He couldn't get in touch with me ahead of time because I'm such a new patient and he didn't have my info. When I walked in, he didn't even recognize me, or know that this wasn't our first session. He apologized, but that doesn't really make up for it. When you see someone in order to take control of your mental health, you want to feel like that person really cares about you, and isn't just there to make a buck and shell out pills. When I'm a therapist, I will never let that happen. I'm promising here and now to always remember the names and faces of my patients, and to always make them understand that I do care, and that's why I'm in this profession.

I found a program at the John Jay School of Criminal Justice that has a doctoral program in Forensic Psychology that can be completed in three years. This is obviously a pipe dream, and something for the far away future, but it sounds like it kicks some serious ass!! I would so love to work in the prison system, counseling inmates and their families, etc. I live for this shit!!

Overheard in New York Quote of the Day

Man: Excuse me...I just wanted to let you know that I was walking just outside this station and a large, black man just grabbed and shook me and started saying something crazy.
MTA lady: Did he take anything from you?
Man: No. But he was crazy and he shook me!
--Clinton-Washington Avenues station

Yeah, we have different standards here in NYC.

Although in India, they probably just call it "food"

I got Curry Curry for lunch, so I'm munching on my favorite snack ever - naan bread!!

Overheard in New York Quote of the Day

Woman: Look at all these rude motherfuckin' men! Can't get up and let none of these ladies have a seat.
Man: Having a vagina is not a disability.
--L train

This reminds me of a segment of the Healthcare Plan episode from The Office (and please bear with my egregious paraphrase):

Dwight: Raise your hand if you want any of these diseases covered. Number one: Inverted penis.
Meredith: Could you mean a vagina? Because if you do, I want that covered.
Dwight: I thought your vagina was removed during your hysterectomy.
Meredith: That was my uterus. I still have a vagina.

12 long years gone by...

Twelve years and two days ago, our Kurt was found dead. I can't believe how much time has passed, or that I was just 13 when I heard the news.

Look how sexy he is in this picture. I think he and I would have made a fantastic couple. We would've been a match made from funky sunglasses.

The sun is gone, but I have a light...

I heart online poker

I've discovered that, although I'm really good at poker when I'm stoned, I'm exceptionally skilled when I'm sober. I don't play high stakes, really, but I managed to make $90 yesterday. If things keep going well, I might just quit my job. I mean, if I can manage to bump that number up to $180/day, I'll be making more money than I do now, with some left over to get me some COBRA!!

Overheard in New York Quote of the Day

Chick: Why doesn't anyone give monuments as gifts anymore?
Teen boy: ...Ha, ha, ha!
Chick: No, you know what I mean, like the Statue of Liberty.
Teen boy: Wouldn't it be great to blindfold someone, telling them you've got this great surprise for them, then take them to the Statue of Liberty, take the blindfold off and say: "It's for you!"
--Columbus Circle

Riding the bus

As much as I love riding the bus, last night was the first time I'd ever ridden one in Manhattan. I've always opted for the subway, because just thinking about the awkward social exchange that would ensue the first time I got on the bus and had to figure out how and where to swipe my card in front of an entire busfull of impatient New Yorkers and a staring driver was enough to deter me for the six months I've lived in this city, and the three years I've worked here. But convenience, time, subway anxiety and the excitement of trying something new forced me to get on the M4 last night at 122nd (I was getting out of class) and take it to the end of my street at 109th and 5th. It was just lovely!!

So this morning, because I know the M4 also runs to Penn Station (How convenient is that? The same bus runs by my school, my apartment and my office.) I decided to hop on the bus at Duke Ellington Circle and ride to work aboveground. Now, of course I'm doing this because I'm trying to open the curtains on my depression and let as much light shine in as possible, and I figured riding down Madison Avenue is probably the prettiest route with the best sight-seeing and people-watching in the entire city. Plus, it's a gorgeous day out, the dinginess of the subway is starting to get to me, it's overcrowded, and I'm just not feeling up to handling all that lately.

So, to cheer myself up, I hop on the bus and literally have to swipe three different cards about eight times, because two were empty, and I kept swiping all of them the wrong way. It was totally embarrassing, but the driver was patient and laughed with me. Then I sat down behind the driver and felt like I couldn't see out of the windows enough, so scooched next to this girl one seat down from me who also probably thought I was a freak for moving closer for what must have seemed to her like no good reason. So then a seat across the way with a really good view opened up, so I got up as the bus was stopping to take that seat and the force of the stop threw me into the seat, banging my huge bag and all my crap against the hard plastic seats. Such a ruckus. I was all, Whatever, I look like a crazy bag lady, my eyes are puffy, I'm disheveled and I clearly don't know how to use a bus properly, so I really can't go on caring about how ridiculous I seem. I'm just going to embrace it.

Anyway, the point of the story is that between having some good Corinne time to read my book and enjoy the weather and the city goings-on, the bus ride turned out to be really lovely. It takes about 15 minutes longer to get to work (it cuts about 15 minutes from my school-to-home trip), but it is absolutely worth it. It made me really appreciate the city, and kind of cheered me up. So, unless I'm late or it's really crappy out, I'm going to take the bus from now on. Yay!

Overheard in New York Quote of the Day

Old lady: Do you have any glue?
Cashier chick: Yeah, what kind?
Old lady: Do you have any crazy glue? Not Krazy Glue, just crazier than Elmer's.
--Vim Drugs, West 181st Street

Turkey Day!!

My lovely officemate just returned from Eastern Europe (Hungary, Romania and Turkey) today and he brought me gifts!! I got some yummy Turkish Delight (which will forever remind me of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe) and a Nazar Boncuk.

I'm attaching a picture and the story behind its meaning. It's made of glass, and I was told I should hang it from my window or doorway to protect me from the evil eye.

Once upon a time (yes, it starts like in a fairy tale) there was a rock by the sea that, even with the force of a hundred men and a lot of dynamite, couldn't be moved or cracked. There was also a man in this town by the sea, who was known to carry the evil eye (Nazar). After much effort and endeavor, the town people brought the man to the rock, and the man, upon looking at the rock said, "My! What a big rock this is." The instant he said this, there was a rip and roar and crack and instantly the immense and impossible rock was found to be cracked in two.

The force of the evil eye (or Nazar) is a widely accepted and feared random element in Turkish daily life. The word *Nazar* denotes seeing or looking and is often used in literally translated phrases such as "Nazar touched her," in reference to a young woman, for example, who mysteriously goes blind.

Another typical scenario. A woman gives birth to a healthy child with pink cheeks, all the neighbors come and see the baby. They shower the baby with compliments, commentating especially on how healthy and chubby the baby is. After getting so much attention weeks later the baby is found dead in his crib. No explanation can be found for the death. It is ascribed to Nazar. Compliments made to a specific body part can result in Nazar. That's why nearly every Turkish mother fixes with a safety pin a small Boncuk on the child's clothes. Once a Boncuk is found cracked, it means it has done his job and immediately a new one has to replace it.

Overheard in New York Quote of the Day

Crazy woman: I'm still alive and breathing, thank you very much, despite the best efforts of the Devil.
--Food Court, Grand Central

Huh. That's kind of how I feel today.

It's F'ing Snowing!!

A few days ago I blogged about my weekend, and mentioned that on Sunday, I sat at an outdoor bar with friends and had a few drinks in the lovely summer-like weather. I even got a sunburn on my back because I was wearing a wife-beater.



And this is what the city looks like today.

Boooooooo!!!!!!

American Idol: The Beard

OK, OK, OK. So, Simon annoys the hell out of all of us with his snooty British accent and predictable sarcasm, but last night he was so on target with his insult sling-shooting that poor Ryan Seacrest was left speechless with his pubic hair chin on the floor.


Donning an unshaved punim, Seacrest was just begging Simon to rip him a larger asshole. During one of their routine catfights, Simon announced:

“Ryan, with respect, I’m not the one trying to look like someone out of ‘Desperate Housewives.’ Lose the beard.”

Did he just pull a double-funny? In the same quip, he managed to call Ryan out on his illicit rendezvous with Botox Hatcher, AND make fun of him for employing the services of a Beard in order to protect his very, very heterosexual reputation.

I couldn't have said it better myself, Simon. Classic. Beautiful and classic.

Sister Souljah

For anyone who hasn't read Souljah, do yourself a favor and pick up The Coldest Winter Ever. Not only is it an easy read and a fantastic look at drugs and growing up in the ghetto, but it's got a message that is pervasive beyond racial and class lines. I thought I'd include a few exerpts from her book, for anyone who's looking for a little spiritual cocaine.

Somewhere along the line, many of us as women are led to believe that being pretty is enough. And while we rely on that, we forget to strengthen our minds so that we can learn how to think, how to build. How to survive. We forget how to live our lives to protect our spirit, to be clean and decent. We forget that everything we do matters so much.

So when you look in the mirror don't see death, see life. Don't see ugly, see beauty. It may not seem like it, but you are powerful. A change of mind, a change of spirit, and a change of actions can create a new you. You are needed. We need you to make the rest of your life mean something psecial. We need you to take good care of yourselves and each other, so those of us who love and need you, can still have you back in our homes, our communities. Yes, there is much to live for.

This was an exerpt of a lecture directed at young Black women dying of AIDS, but the meaning carries. Things could be so much worse.

Guess who?

This was just sent to me by a co-worker. Can you guess who said it?

"One of the great things about America, one of the beauties of our country, is that when we see a young, innocent child blown up by an IED, we cry. "

This weekend

Since I was too depressed this weekend to write anything at all, I never got to update about my weekend, which, all emotions aside, was pretty sick. With The Wife and a box of tissues by my side, I watched all of the Autopsy shows on HBO on Demand, which, for anyone who knows me, are at least as good as sex. With no more Autopsy's to watch, and my options for distractions that don't remind me of the ex quickly diminishing, The Wife and I walked downtown about 3 blocks to a salon we'd passed a million times, and always wanted to go in to, but never did. We're two honkeys living in Spanish Harlem and didn't know if we'd turn heads when we walked in. But I'm glad we did because this was the most fun salon ever. For a mere $24 each, we got a manicure and pedicure, and spent an hour and a half chatting it up with other women in the salon about celebrity gossip, as I tried my best to resurrect my conversational Spanish.

Once that was over, we walked to the supermarket and bought the fixins for dinner, which I made and did my best to choke down. I really must be going through a hard time, because even the roasted asparagus (one of my favorite foods ever) was hard to get down. Plus, I totally overcooked my pork chop, so that was pretty inedible.

Sunday was pretty much the most gorgeous day of the year, and I figured some fresh air and a few alcoholic beverages might perk me up. So The Wife and I met up with my friend Matt and had some drinks outside at a bar on the UWS, followed by a rendezvous at his apartment where we tinkered on the piano and smoked a joint. I wore a black wife beater, a white skirt and dark sunglasses, which made me feel pretty summer-y, and also hid 3 days worth of puffy eyes. But it also allowed for my first sunburn of the year, which I don't think I've ever gotten as early as April 2nd. I was pretty pleased with myself, and am ready to soak up some more rays, once the weather decides it wants to be Spring for good.

Then it was Sopranos and Big Love, a game of poker and off to bed.

My Dad took me out to lunch today because he was in the city, which reminded me that there's absolutely no man in the world that can replace a father. If you're a Daddy's girl, like me. I feel so much better after just being with him for an hour and a half. No one can put a Band-Aid on a broken heart like my Dad.

I'm pretty obsessed with my parents.

Alrighty, time to focus on writing a paper on SEX. I love Columbia.

Overheard in New York Quote of the Day

Sometimes, these are just too good to pick one:

Promoter guy: This your first time at the Empire State Building?
Dude: Yeah, it is.
Promoter guy: Cool. Where are you from?
Dude: Native New Yorker.
Promoter guy: I don't want to talk to you.
--Empire State Building

Girl #1: ...I mean, I can think of plenty better reasons why I shouldn't date him than the fact that we're semi-related.
Girl #2: ...Um, I don't think a better reason exists than that one.
Girl #1: You are really turning it into something that it's not. the key word here is "semi."
Girl #2: No! The key word here is "related"!
--Hoyt-Schermerhorn station

I'm sure people are more interested in reading about Katie Holmes than my broken heart, and you know what? I almost can't blame them. Check this out.

Tom's in Germany promoting MI:3, under the faulty impression that people will actually be going to see it, and admitted on television that Katie is due any minute. Then why the hell aren't you in the same country as your ticking-time-bomb of a fiancee? That girl looks like she's carrying three aliens. One can only hope, for Katie's sake, that Tom doesn't make it back to the States in time, so the poor girl can scream her head off and hold her baby whenever the hell she wants.

Whenever I get depressed about my recent break-up, I can just think about how lucky I am not to be a Scientologist. And, at least I wasn't impregnanted by my ex's alien spawn before he dumped my ass.

Although, in a way, Scientology reminds me of my ex. We had plans to give the Scientologists in the Times Square underground mecca a run for their money by sitting for their "Stress Tests" and then using our mental acuity to completely destroy and humiliate them. They always look like such nice people though, so I feel kind of bad. Maybe they could help me with my post-break-up Thetan Levels.

And just for fun, here's a picture of Jordan slutting it up, even while she was pregnant. By the way, I have no idea who this chick is or what she does. All I know is that she has a blind son, a fugly husband and fake tits.

I believe this was her Halloween costume. She probably went as Trailor Barbie.

Overheard in New York Quote of the Day

You all get two quotes today because I was delinquent on my Friday postings:

Guy #1: You should feel honored to live in New Jersey.
Guy #2: I like living in Jersey. It just really sucks commuting here every day.
Guy #1: It's like the Jews being kosher. It's the price you pay for being chosen.
--12th & 5th

And here's one from last Friday:

Dealer guy: Hey man, buy some weed?
Yuppie guy: Sure. And while I'm at it, why don't I just not send my kids to school, get them addicted to heroin, and leave them on the street to die?
Dealer guy: You sure you don't want some weed?
--Washington Square Park

And just for fun:

Guy: Is that an iPod?
Girl: No, it's a gaydar.
--D train