No more love for random subway boy

I ran into my tattooed subway lover yesterday and found myself totally disinterested. Nothing at all has changed about him, so my "what was I thinking?" inner monologue must be the result of having found a very special boy. He's the bees knees. I've never used that phrase before.

In other interesting news, Idaho Republican Senator Larry Craig was caught trying to get some action at a gay hotspot. This is a man who voted in favor of the Defense of Marriage Act and against extending hate crime laws to include violence against homosexuals. It's always those guys. You must have to really hate yourself. I can't think of a more unhappy existence than being so afraid of who you are that you have to publicly rail against people just like you.

Let them eat meat

Yeah bitches!

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/09/fashion/09STEAK.html?_r=2&8dpc&oref=slogin&oref=slogin

Sophie story

Just a quick post. Sophie is currently eating her breakfast, picking out the chunks of wet food she doesn't like, and dropping them on the floor next to her bowl. And now, like a fatty, she has moved on to Niggles's breakfast.

Weird coincidence

A few weeks ago I posted about following some tattooed, bearded hottie from the 42nd Street stop where we both emerged from the train. Well, wouldn't you know it, I saw him again. And this time it's as I'm waiting FOR the train at my neighborhood station. Which means homeboy lives near me, also works near me, and continues to light up my morning with his hotness. I've discovered that he boards the train about 10 minutes later than I normally do, and thus, I only see him when I'm running late.

My boy Mack was all, "Why don't you go introduce yourself?"

All people should be forced to wear some sort of symbol indicating their dating status. You know, kind of like the scarlet letter. Someone asked me the other day how we protect our children against child molesters. Well, that's how. The adulterers will, of course, stick with the big crimson A.

That was a really terrible tangent for a social worker. What I mean is, the subway isn't exactly the appropriate venue in which to spontaneously hit on a stranger. The rejection would be suffocating. Although, on the other hand, subway romance is largely underutilized. There's something to be said for the gravity an audience adds to a person's behavior.

My point is, I would never come on to a complete stranger on the subway, especially while he's wearing a Pod and engrossed in a Neil Gaiman novel.

And you know what the kicker is? I wouldn't even be writing this insane rant about the politics of dating if Bulgakov's Master and Margarita was as good as everyone claims it is. The only reason I noticed His Hotness in the first place was because this book sucks and I resort to people-watching after every two paragraphs. Imagine if he hadn't died before he finished writing it. I'd be in for a much more punishing read.

I love hugs

Washingtonpost.com
by Allison Klein

WASHINGTON - A grand feast of marinated steaks and jumbo shrimp was winding down, and a group of friends was sitting on the back patio of a Capitol Hill home, sipping red wine. Suddenly, a hooded man slid in through an open gate and put the barrel of a handgun to the head of a 14-year-old guest.

"Give me your money, or I'll start shooting," he demanded, according to D.C. police and witness accounts.

The five other guests, including the girls' parents, froze -- and then one spoke.

"We were just finishing dinner," Cristina "Cha Cha" Rowan, 43, blurted out. "Why don't you have a glass of wine with us?"

The intruder took a sip of their Chateau Malescot St-Exupéry and said, "Damn, that's good wine."

The girl's father, Michael Rabdau, 51, who described the harrowing evening in an interview, told the intruder, described as being in his 20s, to take the whole glass. Rowan offered him the bottle. The would-be robber, his hood now down, took another sip and had a bite of Camembert cheese that was on the table.

'Can I get a hug?'
Then he tucked the gun into the pocket of his nylon sweatpants.

"I think I may have come to the wrong house," he said, looking around the patio of the home in the 1300 block of Constitution Avenue NE.

"I'm sorry," he told the group. "Can I get a hug?"

Rowan, who lives in Falls Church and works part time at her children's school, stood up and wrapped her arms around him. Then it was Rabdau's turn. Then his wife's. The other two guests complied.

"That's really good wine," the man said, taking another sip. He had a final request: "Can we have a group hug?"

The five adults surrounded him, arms out.

With that, the man walked out with a crystal wine glass in hand, filled with Chateau Malescot. No one was hurt, and nothing was stolen.

The homeowner, Xavier Cervera, 45, had gone out to walk his dog at the end of the party and missed the incident, which happened about midnight June 16. Police classified the case as strange but true and said they had not located a suspect.

"We believe it is a true robbery," said Cmdr. Diane Groomes, who is in charge of patrols in the Capitol Hill area. But it's one-of-a-kind, she said, adding, "I've never heard of a robber joining a party and then walking out to the sunset."

The hug, she said, was especially unusual. "They should have squeezed him and held onto him for us," she said.

Rabdau said he hasn't been able to figure out what happened.

"I was definitely expecting there would be some kind of casualty," Rabdau said this week. "He was very aggressive at first; then it turned into a love fest. I don't know what it was."

Was it the wine or the cheese?
Rabdau, a federal government worker who lives in Anne Arundel County with his family and lived on Capitol Hill with his wife in the 1980s, said that the episode lasted about 10 minutes but seemed like an hour. He believes the guests were spared because they kept a positive attitude during the exchange.

"There was this degree of disbelief and terror at the same time," Rabdau said. "Then it miraculously just changed. His whole emotional tone turned -- like, we're one big happy family now. I thought: Was it the wine? Was it the cheese?"

After the intruder left, the guests walked inside the house, locked the door and stared at each other. They didn't say a word. Rabdau dialed 911. Police arrived quickly and took a report. They also dusted for fingerprints -- so far, to no avail.

In the alley behind the home, investigators found the intruder's empty crystal wine glass on the ground, unbroken.

Music-filled weekend

First of all, congrats to the wife who was accepted to Columbia for a masters in Human Rights! And boo on my landlord who apprently has shut off all the water in the building.

Anyway, wifey and I headed to Mo Pitkin's House of Satisfaction on Thursday night to see Anais Mitchell, who was only alotted a 30 minute set, but she played some really great songs from her new album The Brightness. I think the wife had a bit of a crush, because she offered to buy her a drink after the show. Unfortunately for Anais, my roommate wasn't the craziest fan in the 20-person crowd. She was gracious nonetheless, and chatted with us for a bit at the bar. I'd definitely recommend seeing her if you are a fan of the folk music - she's on Ani DiFranco's label. You can't really go wrong for $7.

Tonight Jason and I will be running the merchandise table at Break of Reality's show at Galapagos in Williamsburg. It's my brother's band - check them out!

I just spent an hour in Central Park reading Anne Sexton's collection of dead baby poems in the shade. I really love her because she adheres pretty strictly to form and meter without sounding at all rigid or coerced. Somehow she can write the most beautiful words about the most tragic image. Depressing as hell, though.

Following random people

This morning on my way to work I began to follow random people who looked interesting. The first was a guy on the subway who I was immediately attracted to, and happened to be getting off (heh) at my stop. He was blonde but had a shaved head and a full beard, his right arm was covered in old school black tattoos, he had a bit of paunch and was wearing an obnoxious plaid short-sleeved dress shirt - hot! I caught an empty spot behind him on the stairs and followed him up until it was time for me to make a different turn, at which point I found someone else to follow. This time it was a chick with a mohawk and what looked like a guitar case but I think was actually a bag of lacrosse crap. She turned out not to be very interesting besides having the balls to wear her hair in a mohawk, so I continued on my way to work. The whole time though, I'm wishing I had the brass ones to ask out a complete stranger. It's rare that I experience overwhelming physical attraction without being familiarly acquainted with the guy's personality. Or maybe he was just the only outlier in a sea of Times Square East suits.

Finally, some justification for how I like to express myself...

I Enjoy Yelling Things

You'd think, judging from the way people react, that a good old-fashioned screaming at the top of one's lungs in the middle of the supermarket is some sort of breach of etiquette.

More exonerations

This is the second story I've read about this week where a man was exonerated after 19 years in prison for a crime he didn't commit.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/16/nyregion/16dna.html?ex=1336968000&en=8456fe33117b70ac&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

I don't even know what to do with this...

Death Penalty for Child Molesters?
By HILARY HYLTON/AUSTIN

In the state that is the nation's undisputed death penalty leader, Texas, you might think there is no such thing as a punishment considered too harsh. But as legislators there consider joining the small but growing number of states making certain convicted pedophiles eligible for the death penalty, a surprisingly vocal group of critics has emerged, arguing that the measure is shortsighted, counterproductive and probably unconstitutional.

Nobody wants a pedophile living next door. But will new residency restrictions for sex offenders really make kids safer?

"There's tough. And then there's Texas tough," Republican Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst declared at his January inauguration as he pledged to press for mandatory 25 year sentences and a two-strikes death-penalty provision for convicted child predators. The proposal is a more extreme version of the so-called " Jessica's Law " passed by the Florida legislature in the wake of the February 2005 rape and murder of nine-year-old Jessica Lunsford. That landmark statute imposed mandatory 25-year prison terms and life electronic monitoring for sex offenders, and since its passage in May 2005 42 states and Congress have implemented or are considering their own very similar laws.

Dewhurst's stance made headlines and has won him kudos from national backers of Jessica's Law such as Fox News's Bill O'Reilly and John Walsh, producer of America's Most Wanted. But it also sparked the formation of an unexpected coalition of opponents, featuring some of the state's toughest prosecutors as well as victims' rights groups, both of whom worry that the measure could backfire and result in fewer convictions.

"We saw the tsunami wave coming to Texas," said Shannon Edmonds, state lobbyist for the Texas District and County Attorneys Association. Last year, South Carolina adopted the death penalty for the second offense of raping a child under age 11. Oklahoma followed, passing Jessica's Law with a death penalty provision for raping a child under age 14. Texas already had some of the toughest child predator laws on the books with its two-strikes rule that sends child predators to jail for life. But the push for even harsher punishment was coming from the state leadership, rather than from the grassroots, as tightening of criminal laws often does.

"Prosecutors will tell you these are the most difficult cases to get a guilty verdict on," Edmonds said. "Prosecutors lose more of these cases than any other."

The Texas Association Against Sexual Assault also voiced its concerns about "unintended consequences" of Jessica's Laws. The mandatory sentences can backfire, said TAASA spokeswoman Karen Amacher, as prosecutors lose the flexibility to seek lesser sentences in cases where a jury trial may prove too taxing for a child witness, or a jury or judge may not feel a 25-year sentence is warranted. Since an estimated 80% of child sexual assaults are committed by family members, groups like Amacher's are concerned that mandatory sentence laws, not to mention the death penalty, might dissuade certain people from reporting abuse to authorities.

"With sex offenders we want to say let's lock them up and throw away the key — these folks are just awful after all — but it's just not realistic," Amacher said.

Even avowed supporters of the death penalty in murder cases think the Texas proposal would be a bad idea. "If you give the same sentence for molesting a little girl as for molesting and killing a little girl, it seems an incentive to go ahead and kill her," said Michael Rushford, head of the pro-death penalty Criminal Justice Legal Foundation in Sacramento, Calif.

Legal scholars from both sides of the political spectrum have warned Texas legislators the death penalty for repeat sex offenders would likely be declared unconstitutional. In 1977 the Supreme Court ruled in Coker vs. Georgia that the death penalty in rape cases was cruel and unusual punishment. Nevertheless, several states have retained old laws providing the death penalty for rape of minors — including Florida, Montana and Louisiana. Only one state, Louisiana, currently has someone on death row charged with raping a child: Patrick O. Kennedy, who faces the death penalty after being convicted in 2003 of raping an eight-year-old. His case is being appealed and could make its way to the Supreme Court, according to Richard Dieter, head of the Death Penalty Information Center.

Even so, prosecutors aren't willing to sit and wait for the highest court in the land to sort it all out. Instead, district attorneys around the state told the legislature that what they really needed were more tools to win cases, not limits on their choices. Working in committee, prosecutors and victims' rights groups managed to include evidence rule changes that would give them more flexibility in presenting child witnesses. The 25-year mandatory-minimum requirement was fine-tuned to apply only to egregious cases such as those involving children under the age of 6 or the use of a deadly weapon. But while it is optional in the bill adopted by the Texas senate, the death penalty remains mandatory for a second offense in the House version. With overwhelming support in both houses for at least a death penalty option, it is likely some kind of capital punishment provision will survive in the final bill that is passed.

Still, if the mandatory death penalty provision for a second offense survives in the Texas bill, it would be 25 years before anyone could face that punishment. They would have to be found guilty of the first offense under the new law initially and serve the mandatory 25 years. If the Senate version with the optional death penalty survives, the politicians will surely trumpet it, but it is unlikely prosecutors would use that new tool, given the time and resources that would have to be poured into a case that would almost certainly be appealed. "I think prosecutors would wait for guidance from the Supreme Court first," Edmonds said.

Just two weeks before the Senate passed its version of Jessica's Law, two men freed on DNA testing after serving 27 years in prison between them for adult sexual assault visited the state capitol. The lone senator to vote against the bill reminded his colleagues of their visit. "At some point we have to decide where do we draw the line on something that's politically right but morally wrong," State Senator Rodney Ellis, a Houston Democrat, said as he cast his vote. "I'm for the death penalty, but I think it would be nice if we had a system where we got the right one."

Lethal Injection: Cruel and Unusual Punishment

By MARILYNN MARCHIONE, AP Medical Writer Tue Apr 24, 5:02 AM ET

The drugs used to execute prisoners in the United States sometimes fail to work as planned, causing slow and painful deaths that probably violate constitutional bans on cruel and unusual punishment, a new medical review of dozens of executions concludes.

Even when administered properly, the three-drug lethal injection method appears to have caused some inmates to suffocate while they were conscious and unable to move, instead of having their hearts stopped while they were sedated, scientists said in a report published Monday by the online journal PLoS Medicine.

No scientific groups have ever validated that lethal injection is humane, the authors write. Medical ethics bar doctors and other health professionals from taking part in executions.
The study concluded that the typical "one-size-fits-all" doses of anesthetic do not take into account an inmate's weight and other key factors. Some inmates got too little, and in some cases, the anesthetic wore off before the execution was complete, the authors found.

"You wouldn't be able to use this protocol to kill a pig at the University of Miami" without more proof that it worked as intended, said Teresa Zimmers, a biologist there who led the study.
The journal's editors call for abolishing the death penalty, writing: "There is no humane way of forcibly killing someone."

Lethal injection has been adopted by 37 states as a cheaper and more humane alternative to electrocution, gas chambers and other execution methods.

But 11 states have suspended its use after opponents alleged it is ineffective and cruel. The issue came to a head last year in California, when a federal judge ordered that doctors assist in killing Michael Morales, convicted of raping and murdering a teenage girl. Doctors refused, and legal arguments continue in the case.

In 2005 alone, at least 2,148 people were killed by lethal injection in 22 countries, especially China, where fleets of mobile execution vans are used, the editors write, citing Amnesty International figures. Of the 53 executions in the United States in 2006, all but one were by lethal injection.

The new review was written by many of the same authors who touched off controversy when they published a 2005 report suggesting that many inmates were conscious and possibly suffering when the last of the drugs was given.

That report was criticized for its methodology, which relied on blood samples taken from prisoners hours after executions.

The new paper looked at the executions of 40 prisoners in North Carolina since 1984 and about a dozen in California, plus incomplete information from Florida and Virginia. The authors analyzed details such as the dose the inmates received, their weight and the time they needed to die.

Most states use three drugs — thiopental, an anesthetic; pancuronium bromide, a nerve blocker and muscle paralyzer; and potassium chloride, a drug to stop the heart. Each is supposed to be capable of killing all by itself, but if not, the anesthetic is supposed to render the inmate unconscious while the other drugs do the job.

In 33 North Carolina executions, the average death time was 10 to 14 minutes, depending on the combination of drugs used, the authors report. Calculating each inmate's actual dose, based on his or her weight, they concluded that some did not receive enough.

"The person would feel either asphyxiation or the burning sensation associated with the potassium," said Dr. Leonidas Koniaris, a surgeon and co-author at the University of Miami. "The potassium would cause extreme discomfort, something like being put on fire."

Even the final drug did not always prove fatal as intended. At least one California inmate required a second dose, and the California warden has said additional doses were used in two other executions, the study reports.

Death penalty proponents complained the report's conclusions were based on scant scientific evidence.

"It's more like political science than medical science," said Mike Rushford, president of Criminal Justice Legal Foundation in Sacramento.

Steve Stewart, prosecuting attorney in Clark County, Indiana, where an execution is scheduled for May 4, said the simple solution seemed to be to give a higher dose of the anesthetic, which probably would not satisfy opponents who see all methods as barbaric.

"It doesn't matter a whole lot to me that someone may have felt some pain before they were administered poison as a method of execution," he said.

Dr. Mark Heath, an anesthesiologist at Columbia University Medical Center who has studied lethal injection cases, took issue with some of the paper's conclusions, but said it generally showed that concerns about lethal injection in its current form "are well-justified."

Editors said they sent the manuscript to three independent medical experts for review — an anesthesiologist, a forensic pathologist and someone in charge of a critical care unit, plus a lawyer.

"We were satisfied" with the science, said Dr. Virginia Barbour, a British physician who is managing editor of the journal, published by the nonprofit group Public Library of Science. "The difficulty of a paper like this is that there is very poor evidence for all the kinds of protocols used" in lethal injections, but the authors did a good job analyzing what there is, she said.
___
Associated Press biotechnology writer Paul Elias in San Francisco and Associated Press writer Ron Word in Jacksonville, Fla., contributed to this report.

Smile pretty and watch your back

Dear Alec Baldwin,

You crack me up. And yeah, my dad talked to me like that too when he lost his temper, and I turned out just fine. Things happen. Perhaps not the best verbiage for your 11-year-old child, but we all make mistakes. Next time, in light of your celebrity status and the ever-burgeoning universe of technology, you might want to consider delivering your diatribe in person, instead of creating voice messages that easily exploit your temper and are subsequently released to the public within hours of recording.

Love,
Corinne

PS - When do we get to see another stellar performance in Along Came Polly Two? I'm dead serious.

Fun news!

I'm puppy sitting this week! Matt is going to San Fran for a conference so I get to fulfill my (self-proclaimed) godmotherly duties and Yorkie-sit little Gandy! I hope the weather this weekend is nice so I can walk his bald little toosh to the Park!

In other, more life-changing news, I found out where my new field placement will be a few weeks ahead of time. That's only because I didn't get any of my top 4 choices (big surprise, thanks Columbia), but I got a call recommending the Employee Assistance Program Consortium, which I had actually considered placing in my top four to begin with. I'll be doing short-term individual and group counseling with the employees and their families of five NYC hospitals. I've been interested in corporate counseling in the past, and this placement seems like it would provide relevant career experience, so I'm really excited.

I'm also starting to stress about money and finding employment over the summer, but worse case scenario, I fall back into the trivia writing job hardcore until I find something that pays better. I might end up schmoozing with the elderly well into the summer, we'll see.

My cats are super freaks

Short post today. Just need to record that I had a paper clip and an empty glass of milk lying on the coffee table before I got up to take a shower, and when I returned, the paper clip was IN my empty milk glass. I'm home alone.

Coalition for Women Prisoners Legislative Advocacy Day

It seems like we'd been planning and fundraising and talking about it forever, and the day finally came! Yesterday, members of the Social Work and Law Caucus crew and myself took a bus trip to Albany to lobby with Senators and Assemblymembers on behalf of the incarcerated women in New York State. We were joined by other students and advocates as well as formerly incarcerated women and women currently residing in Therapeutic Communities (or Alternative to Incarceration programs), and together met with 140 state legislators about 5 winnable issues for incarcerated women.

I think these issues are of critical importance to civil rights and gender equity within the Department of Corrections, and hope you don't mind that I share them with you.

1) Reform of the Rockafeller Drug Laws.

These laws allow for long, manditory sentencing for drug offenders, and retract judicial discretion. This means that judges are no longer allowed to divert female offenders to ATIs (Alternative to Incarceration programs, which treat addiction and the underlying problems these women face), even if the offender is a single mother and primary caretaker with no history of criminal behavior. In many instances, these women were selling drugs for survival, and would benefit more from addiction treatment and skills training than 15 years in prison separated from their children and family. Repealing these laws would allow judges to use their discretion in sentencing women involved with drug offenses. With the proper treatment, these women can return to their children and their communities with the skills and resources needed to stay clean and sober and become a productive member of society. Reforming this law would also benefit the state financially: incarcerations costs are $37,000 annually, while ATIs are just $17,000 annually.

2) Increased funding to keep children and their incarcerated mothers connected.

There are currently 5 all-female prisons in New York, only one of which is located in New York City. Because most of the women who are incarcerated in the state are from NYC, their children are forced to travel up to 8 hours to visit their mothers. And as you can imagine, there is a dearth of foster parents and social service agencies willing to travel with these children, and even less funds to support this endeavor. Additionally, foster care agencies are required to terminate parental rights if a child has been in foster care for 15 of the last 22 months. Because the average sentence for women is 36 months, incarcerated mothers whose children are in foster care are at an elevated risk of losing their parental rights.

3) Require the state to suspend, not terminate, Medicaid coverage for incarcerated women.

Currently, federal law mandates that Medicaid coverage be suspended for women entering prison. Because of oversight, the state is not in compliance with this law, and Medicaid benefits are typically terminated for incarcerated women. Imprisoned women are not allowed to file for Medicaid coverage, and because applications take 45-90 days to process, women often have a lapse in healthcare coverage for this time period, immediately following release. Because the rates of HIV and Hep C are significantly higher in prison than in the general population (with 14% and 23% of incarcerated women infected, respectively), serious health problems may arise without medication to treat these viruses, which then becomes a public health issue. Additionally, a disproportionate number of prisoners are mentally ill, and require psychotropic drugs in order to remain stable. Without these medications, which are critical in reducing recidivism, women are practically set up for rearrest.

4) Require NYC Department of Health to oversee prison medical care.

It's that simple. Department of Corrections does not have Department of Health oversight, unlike all other hospitals, private practices and community health centers. As a result, women in prison are subject to sub-standard health care (including gynecology) in an environment with high rates of HIV and Hepatitis C.

5) Allow merit time for survivors of domestic violence.

Many women are incarcerated for violence against their abusive partner. Because they are violent offenders, they are ineligible for merit time, which would reduce their sentences for good behavior. This revictimizes survivors of domestic abuse, who have been twice failed - by their partners, and then by the judicial system. Women who fight back against their abuser and are convicted of a violent crime as a result, serve long sentences with no merit time, and are forced to abandon their children, who are then often left parentless. 93% of women convicted of killing their intimate partner were abused by an intimate partner in the past.

Since I don't have a personal connection to this issue, the most enriching part of this experience for me was to hear these women's stories, and witness their empowerment from having been given a voice and a second chance. Alone, our voices were small. But together, we had the resources to be heard loudly and by 140 members of state government. Each lobbying group of 5-7 people purposely had a mix of formerly incarcerated women and advocates. The education, advocacy skills and rhetoric of the advocates would have been nothing without the experience and wisdom of the other women, but together we made an unstoppable team.

My lobbying team was comprised of myself, our 25-year old team leader who works for a related agency, a 41-year old woman who also works for a related agency and is a domestic violence survivor and recovering alcoholic, a formerly incarcerated woman in her mid-40's, a formerly incarcerated crack addict and domestic abuse survivor who now works at the ATI program from which she graduated, and a 54-year formerly incarcerated, recovering addict who currently lives at a residential ATI treatment facility.

These were some of the sweetest, coolest women, and I'm so glad that I got to spend the day with them, listening to their stories and speaking out about the issues that mean something to them personally. Right now I'm a little burnt out on writing, but I think I'll follow up soon with some more stories and reflections. Stay tuned!

Tomrrow is my birthday!!

Ellen Degeneres

CNN.com released a great article about Ellen this morning - and we all know how much I idolize Ellen. It's a great day when a lesbian in a suit is considered the conservative choice of Academy Award hosts. I've also got Ellen on the brain because I got to watch some ground-breaking television while I was home yesterday - Ellen interviewing OPRAH! NO ONE gets to interview Oprah. Anyhow, I love her. And look how hot she is on the new W Magazine cover.

LOS ANGELES, Angeles (Reuters) -- After two years of ceremonies emceed by anti-establishment provocateurs, the Oscars Sunday turn to a kinder, gentler comic and TV talk show host with a flair for putting those around her at ease.

Ellen DeGeneres, who made broadcast history 10 years ago as the first openly gay lead character on U.S. prime-time television, is headed for one of Hollywood's most prestigious assignments as only the second woman to be solo host of the Academy Awards.

She follows in the footsteps of Whoopi Goldberg, who broke the Oscar-hosting gender barrier with emcee turns in 1994, 1996, 1999 and 2002. (Watch DeGeneres warn critics to watch out for her mother )

But in terms of style, the easygoing DeGeneres, host of the weekday talk show "Ellen," could not be more different from Goldberg or her two immediate Oscar predecessors, Jon Stewart and Chris Rock, all of whom are known for a more edgy, irreverent brand of humor.

"It's the same thing I do when I do my show," DeGeneres, 49, told TV Guide magazine recently. "It's really just setting that tone, and for me, being funny without being condescending or mean-spirited."

And in keeping with her trademark preference for slacks and suits over dresses, DeGeneres plans to appear in a variety of tuxedos designed by the leading names in fashion.

DeGeneres already demonstrated a knack for striking that difficult balance between satire and sanctimony as host of the twice-delayed Emmy Awards in November 2001, in the aftermath of the 9/11 attacks and U.S.-led invasion of Afghanistan.

Setting the right tone

She famously opened that show joking that terrorists "can't take away our creativity, our striving for excellence, our joy. Only network executives can do that."

She went on to say she was an ideal host because: "What would bug the Taliban more than seeing a gay woman in a suit surrounded by Jews?"

This year's Oscar telecast producer, Laura Ziskin, called DeGeneres a "brilliant host" who can "keep the evening moving and play the night and play the room, which is critical."

Her choice also seemed to mark an end to Oscar producers' preoccupation with picking hosts -- such as Rock and Stewart -- thought to be especially appealing to younger TV viewers who have increasingly shied away from the Oscars.

Rock's performance two years ago struck many as too testy. He irked some academy members with a monologue in which he told the assembled movie elite that "there's only four real stars" and the rest were "just popular people."

Stewart also drew mixed reviews last year, while the show's U.S. TV audience fell to a three-year low, 38.8 million viewers.

This year, Ziskin is reaching out to the under-50 crowd by featuring a greater number of young presenters, including Jessica Biel, Jack Black, Kirsten Dunst, Anne Hathaway, Tobey Maguire and the new James Bond, Daniel Craig.

She also hopes to make the Oscars more compelling by urging winners to avoid one of the show's great pitfalls -- acceptance speeches that sound like laundry lists of thank-yous.

To that end, Ziskin has asked prospective winners to use their 45 seconds on stage "to entertain, or to enlighten or move us." She encourages them to save their check-lists of gratitude for a new backstage feature, the "Thank-You-Cam," one of many new Oscar tie-ins this year to the Internet.

Another new feature, Ziskin said, will be a four-minute film prepared by documentary maker Errol Morris that pays tribute to this year's Oscar contenders with a montage featuring 140 of the 177 nominees.

"It's all about the nominees and winners, the recipients of the Oscars," Ziskin Said. "They make or break the show."

In another installment of "Draft dodgers shouldn't declare war..."

Prince Harry is set to be deployed to Iraq.

Third in line for the throne, Harry will be sent to Iraq by the end of the month. I know that Royal Family does not equal First Family. I understand that they are operating in entirely different spheres. But I think that if an English prince can fight in a war declared by an American president, then surely one of the jackasses in the White House who thought this war was a good idea can march his ass into the front lines.

If only Mr. Bush had a son...I wonder if he would dissuade his him from joining the military. Like draft-dodging father, like son.

For my cat lovers

If you have not yet tried ScoopAway litter, you must go out and buy some. The chore of kitty litter cleaning has typically fallen to my lovely wife, as the smell of ammonia and my littlest cat's ass kicks my gag reflex into high gear. But today, I was left to mine out the litter boxes on my own because Maureen is at work and I cancelled all my home visits to avoid the bitter wind chill.


Anyway, I'm hesitant to put it this way, but the experience of cleaning out their box was almost pleasurable. Any nasty smell was completely masked by the pleasant aroma of the litter, and every drop of feline poop and pee was nicely encased in a solid, impermeable clump of this magic litter, which makes for easy scooping.


The end result is a litter box that looks like it was just freshly cleaned and not scooped, and the remaining litter is as untouched as if it were just poured from the box. This is truly an amazing product.


The drawbacks: Professionals will tell you not to use scooping litter with kittens - i.e. under 12 months old. My youngest cat is 1.5 years, and I have had no problems. Plus, whatever scent they put into the litter leaves the kitties' bellies (which drag on the litter during potty time) smelling like they just got into a box of dryer sheets.


The second drawback is the weight of the litter. We currently have the smaller box, which at 25 pounds is pretty hefty for its size. This creates problems for those living in metropolitan cities, or those who walk to and from the market. The litter is packaged in much bigger sizes, and unlike traditional litter, comes in a bucket with a handle which might be convenient for some, but which makes the litter inherently un-slingable for those who prefer to carry it over their shoulder.


In sum, I am a ScoopAway convert, and you will likely see more of me tending to the litter boxes in the future. Maybe.

Rant

These days it feels like everyone I know is asking me why I'm almost 26 and unmarried. Yesterday, my boss said that we need to "do something about me" because I'm 25 and single. What is so terrible about being single? It's like a dirty word to my cohort of late. The thought of marriage is laughable, considering my relationship skills and training. But even if I was the messiah of good relationships, the only men I ever meet are gay or over 65. Not that that's not great - God knows I love myself a gay husband or two, and being crushed on rather than berated by my 80-year old male clients sure makes my job easier, but no where in this scenario am I getting any action.

Still, I really enjoy my autonomy. Not to mention the lack of drama. And yet on the same token, I really do worry that my eggs will dry up before I find love. I have the utmost respect for single parents, but that's really not the path I want to venture down, if at all avoidable. My point is, it's not something I'd seek out without already having a husband. And while I've always wanted to be a youngish mother (aka, not 40), I really don't like the idea of children in my life right now. So what's the rush, right? The rush is the additional fear of being the last of my friends to marry, rendering me phased out and holed up with a bunch of cats.

So, what is the solution to this problem? Where does one meet men that are straight and under 65? Apparently not the senior centers, gay bars and schools of social work I've been attending. In the end, I'm not sure I have the time/moxie to seek out coupledom. I suppose if I don't care enough to look, I shouldn't let other people's opinions about being single bother me either. If I enjoy the single life, I shouldn't have to feel bad about living it. Right? Right. Besides, I have an awesome heterolifepartner.

Wait, what?

"Are skinny models making Americans fat?"

This was a headline on MSN news this morning. In what way does this question make sense?

Anna Nicole Smith passes away

Anna Nicole Smith passed away this afternoon. I'm in total shock. I can't say that I'm completely surprised, but I'm definitely shocked and sad. I feel really sorry for all she's been through. Her life started off in Texas and ended with the death of a child. I hear there's nothing worse. I'll miss you dearly, Anna Nicole!

The Innocence Project

Please take a moment to visit the Innocence Project. The Innocence Project is a non-profit legal and criminal justice resource center, whose mission is to exonerate wrongfully convicted prisoners through DNA evidence. Since the organization was founded in 1992, 193 innocent inmates have been released from prison. Too many of these clients were on death row, awaiting execution, before they were exonerated through biological evidence.

Our criminal justice system has failed us, over and over again. Innocent men and women are incarcerated all over this country and the world, serving out long sentences for someone else's crime, and in the worst cases, dying for the violence exacted by another. With the disproportionate number of minorities in our prison system and on death row, it is crucial that we begin to look at own-race bias in the wrongful conviction of inmates, as well as advocate for the abolition of capital punishment, particularly in cases where DNA evidence is unavailable.

...more like creepy incest convention...

Purity Balls!

I really don't know how to feel about this. I read an article yesterday about the trend of young girls pledging their sexual purity to their fathers. While I'm all for father-daughter bonding, and even more for the open discussion of sexuality within the family, I can't help but shake the feeling that this concept is just...well...icky.

Feministing.com offers some further insight into this "rite of passage," a practice upheld by Jessica Simpson and her father, Joe Simpson.

I mean, what 14-year old girl can look her father in the eye and lovingly pledge to not spread her legs before her wedding night? What father feels normal about giving his daughter a diamond ring as a symbolic representation of this pact, when the ring-giving tradition has for centuries been practiced by people who love each other in the biblical sense?

Also, what about all the girls who want to pledge their purity but don't have fathers? Do you have your uncle stand in? Is there an older brother who will vow to protect his sister's chastity? It's a little Flowers in the Attic if you ask me, but hey, associating sex with one of my male relatives is enough to make me want to push the notion of sex far, far into the future.

These girls' future husbands are in for a lifetime of sexual repression.

Ew.

You know how you have to register lethal weapons? Handguns, rifles, Arnold Schwartzenegger's biceps? I think it's time to register my cat's ass.

Never have I smelled a more foul odor than that which emanates from my smaller cat's rear end. We've spoken to the vet about it, who drains her anal glands and gives her a Witch Hazel ass-douche. We also veer away from any wet cat food that lists "meat by-products" as the first ingredient, and generally try to keep her on an exclusively poultry diet.

Yet, try as we might, the smell is pervasive and nauseating. For those who don't know us, we have a unique apartment in that the hallway from our front door leading to the main apartment is roughly a half mile long. OK, perhaps not a half mile. But at 5'6 3/4", you could probably lay between 7 and 10 of me head to toe from one end of the narrow hallway to the other.

We keep both litter boxes (I feel bad making Sophie shit in the same box as her younger sister) at the end of this septic hallway to keep the smell at bay and to ward of evil spirits...and pretty much all other visitors. And for any of you who have seen the movie Seven - think "air freshener scene." We've got an extensive collection of sprays, fresheners and candles at the end of the hallway in a weak attempt at masking the smell.

Of course, I exaggerate. The smell is quite literally as bad as I make it out to be, but the frequency is embellished. I write this after an exceptionally offensive explosion from the little one's shitter, and I can tell you that I am suffering. You know how in high school you'd stuff some dryer sheets into an empty toilet paper roll and blow pot smoke into it to cover the smell? Do you think it's conceivable that within the next few years, one of these little stoners, in a blaze of creative inspiration, will fashion a similar device for the feline anus? It doesn't even have to be a stoner, although having the prototype right there might help. All I'm saying is that someone with more ingenuity than I have should really get on top of this.

iPod update

Curly-haired Lauren has just brought it to my attention that the new generation video iPod does not, I repeat does not, have a flash drive. Thus, I will likely be pussy-footing (thank you Teddy Roosevelt) around for the next six months (until my pod inevitably bites the dust) so as not to disturb the precious, tender and fragile Almighty Hard Drive.

I'm being very tongue-in-cheek, but I do appreciate Lauren's advice, and her comment.

And by the way, I bring up Teddy Roosevelt because he's the person who coined the term "pussy-foot." I know this because I am a loser, and have the best loser job since the person who researched and developed the Star Trek Scene It interactive trivia game. I wrote the following clip for my research and trivia job:

Teddy Roosevelt seems to have either coined or popularized "pussyfoot" in about 1905. Meaning crafty, cunning or moving in a cautious manner, it refers to the way cats can walk stealthily by drawing in their claws and walking on the pads of their feet.

Yeah, you're welcome.

Why iPod makes me hate myself

I just purchased my 4th - FOURTH - iPod, and I'm having some guilt and capitalism issues right now. About three years ago, my parents bought me the 40 gig iPod for Christmas, which at the time set them back $400. When that iPod passed away after six months, I thought I'd give the Mini a shot. Six months later, same deal. Like the sucker I was, and apparently continue to be, I bought another Mini because, hey, I was working and I could afford it. It is this Mini that I have in my possession right now. It's problems include: 20 minute battery life (on a good day), random pausing and freezing, and instantaneous battery drainage if I try to skip past more than three songs at a time. But, on the bright side, this one has lasted, with all it's faults and frustrations, for a year. Way to go Apple! What a quality product!

Now, normally I will fight an Apple lover to the death. (What can I say, I have a soft spot for Bill Gates.) But, because I don't have the time or patience to figure out a Sandisk or a Zen, I decided to purchase yet another iPod. And this time since I can't afford it at all, but have gotten used to the very American impulse to whip out the plastic, I bought a Generation 5.5 Video iPod in black, because I was informed by an Apple lover (why do I continue to trust these people?) that the new iPod has a flash drive instead of a hard drive, and thus will last longer despite my innate wrecklessness. Plus, it's pretty sexy.

So, in sum, I kind of hate myself right now. First, because I just bought something I can't afford. Second, I supported a company that I hate, and which has screwed my affairs very badly in the past (in addition to the 4 iPods, there has also been a crapbag iBook). And third, because I just can't learn a damn lesson.

However, I do feel that I deserve to buy myself a gift. Being grad school poor, I've been wearing the same two pairs of jeans that I've had since my junior year of college, and barely go shopping for anything besides food and textbooks anymore. Plus, my mom just told me that I've got a decent sum of money heading my way, because during the 6 months that I lived at home and paid rent to my parents, my mom was secretly investing the money for an occassion of dire straits, much like this one. And third, if I must live a life of excessive transportation in a city where I'm lucky to hear my own thoughts, I also deserve to be able to escape into my own brain with some Damien Jurado or a nice NPR podcast. Right? Right.

I welcome any comments on my inner struggle over my awesome new toy.

Boston!

Well, ladies and gents, I'm making my first-ever appearance in Boston this weekend to visit the beautiful and gracious Lizzie in her newest home. I don't know what the next 72 hours will hold, but I can guarantee two things: 1) I will be drunk and; 2) It will be fun.

Thank you, Ronald Reagan, for giving the American people two very important gifts:
Martin Luther King Jr. Day as a federal holiday (And thanks to the big dreamer, Dr. King himself!)
A new synonym for taking a shit. As in "I'm going to go drop a Reagan."

Here's to an always interesting Greyhound bus ride...

R.E.M. Inducted into Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

Not that this is a surprise, but my uber-talented boyfriend and his band have been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, the ceremony for which will take place on March 12 in NYC. R.E.M. has been inducted for 2007 along with Van Halen (not Van Hagar), Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five, Patti Smith, and the Ronettes.

And here's a picture of my boyfriend, in all his glistening sexiness.

Holey Ozone!!

Did anyone besides myself hold out for the Apocalypse this weekend, with temperatures reaching 70 degrees in January? According to a 10-year-old girl in the bodega Saturday morning, this is the first December in NYC without snow since 1888. I wore a sweater and jeans to the park and worked up a sweat.

Goddamn stick!

Well folks, I usually don't do the weekend update thing, so here goes...

Friday night was fantastic in that I started out with the intention of having a relaxed night in, and ended up with a surprise visit from everyone's favorite Indian! The wife and I were all prepared to spend the night eating, smoking and being in our pajamas, and then I get a call saying someone is on FDR drive and wants to stop in for a visit! Needless to say, I had my two favorite imbibers with me all night and got to sleep in the following morning. God love winter break!

Saturday night was designated date night this week, and the wife and I went out on the town. Prior to this, though, I made a really shitty stir fry (Does anyone have a good recipe for frozen stir-fry veggies? If it's not fresh, I always fuck it up.) and then walked right into an open cabinet door while serving said frozen trash. It's Monday morning, and I still have a bump on my forehead at the hairline.

Saturday afternoon the wife and I decided to go for a walk in Central Park. It has come to my attention that I've been doing myself a disservice by not strolling through there more often. I mean, we live a block from Harlem Meer; I have no excuse not to visit frequently. We did a loop around the Meer, stopping at look-out points and at the rose garden, which I didn't even know existed. We tried to find the exact location at which Adam Sandler trips the rollerblader with the stick in Big Daddy, and we did. It's practically right across the street from us, which we realized last time the movie was on TV. I also picked out the spot where I will get married, if I ever find a husband. (For the curious: it's the fountain by the rose garden in Central Park at 5th and 105th.)

That's all for now. I don't think anyone ever reads this thing anyway. Boo.